Everything is fair in love and war? More like everything is fair when the decision of a right swipe is consensual? Modern dating has opened up many new concepts of so-called "love" and everyone is entitled to their own definitions for it. While we still get to see plenty of hopeless romantics who wear their hearts on their sleeves, there are others who just don't have the patience to wait for love.
Irrespective of the choices, sexual tension and chemistry have a major role to play in the swipe dynamics and sooner or later, sexual pleasure does become important. If you happen to ask an audience their opinion on the right time to get sexually involved with a date - you will never see a room get divided faster.
Some will say, three dates is the rule while others happen to develop a strong connection on the first date itself. Some will advocate getting regularly involved in quick hookups while others will be completely against the idea of having sex without bonding emotionally. Either way, the final decision is completely up to the two people together and is best guided by experience. However, if we were to lay out our thoughts, here are our two cents on whether or not you should have sex on the first date and everything to consider before consenting sexually.
The right way to approach a first date - Sex or no sex?
Our world is powered by speed and there is absolutely nothing wrong with replicating that into our romantic lives as far as it is consensual and well thought out. Naturally, the decision of having sex on the first date comes with experience. If you are someone who isn't sure of what you want sexually or what is it that truly satisfies you, we'd highly recommend going slow. But for those, who know exactly what they are looking for, having sex on the first date is completely okay.
Sybil Shiddell, Country Manager India for Gleeden, a dating app shares, "Even as hooking up is normal in the dating world, it does not take away from the fact that building an emotional connection helps enhance the sex experience and develops a special intimacy between partners. You could be causally dating or friends with benefits or simply avoid any labels, giving each other some time to open up and getting to know the person before being sexually involved is only fair."
The sexual connection is always better with some of these crucial considerations that help you make sure you have the best time together -
Clear communication: The first and most important part of any relationship is clear and direct communication. There is literally no normal person who can mind read (unless you are a professional mind reader, which is scary tbh) so communicating your expectations and needs is the best way ahead before you get involved sexually involved with your date.
Health First: Nobody is as important as you and your health. With the increasing hookup culture, STIs a pretty common and no one wants to fall prey to that, right? It is always a great idea to ask your partner about their sexual involvements and experiences. Ensure they are healthy and STI-free and so are you. This will protect both parties from a lot of trouble and is absolutely essential.
Emotional attachment: Humans thrive on emotions. Even though it seems cool to admit that we don't care, having an emotional bond makes a huge difference while having sex. Spending time with your partner through dates, and understanding them while also sharing about yourself will help build intimacy and get you two involved at a deeper level.
Express yourself: Everyone has something that turns them on along with multiple pet peeves at the same time. It is bound to get super awkward if your partner is not aware that a particular action by them is something that does not work for you. This is why talking openly about everything that is and is not okay for each person sexually is a must.
Build up the sexual chemistry: Flirtatious texts, sexting, and showering love on your partner is a great ways to build up sexual tension and ascertain if you really want to go ahead. Just like emotional bonding, this helps both to predict what works for others and accordingly move ahead.
Enjoy every moment: No matter what one believes in, no one can deny the beautiful feeling of spending time with your date and how that can translate beautifully into your sexual relationship. Connection takes time to build sometimes and you may not see instant sparks. Give it time, go on a few dates and let the natural energy flow.
Protection is a must: Dear men and women, whether or not you think hookups are cool, no protection is definitely uncool. This is one of the most important tips before saying yes to sex. Ignoring it can have dangerous consequences and if your partner does not agree to this, you should not proceed ahead. Period.
Maintain Hygiene: Yes, we get it, exciting sex can sometimes be impromptu and not at the best hygiene. Even then, planning in advance and ensuring everything is clean and hygienic will make sure you both have a good time.
Do not expect a fairytale: Sex is often romanticized - orgasms are expected and Dopamine seems to go skyrocketing. Sadly, this kind of perfect sex may not be true for your first sexual encounter with a new person. Just like emotional intimacy and love languages, understanding someone's sexual language and pleasure points takes time and sex gets better gradually. Just accepting this can help you truly enjoy the experience.
Be Sensitive: Lastly, there is nothing more rude and unacceptable than being insensitive before, during or after you have consented to sex unless you have a valid reason to do so. Respecting the fact that you are the most vulnerable around a particular person for a short period of time goes a long way and one needs to be sensitive about their partner. Check up on them and ensure they are content and comfortable with you. These small gestures go a long way while being sexually involved with anyone.
(IANSlife can be contacted at ianslife@ians.in)